It’s been months since I have written.
A lot has happened and frankly I feel like life has been a whirlwind. COVID has changed normality for everyone, increasing stress, anger, frustration, desperation and fear. There are times where I find myself at the throne asking God, “What is going on?”
I personally am not afraid of COVID. I do take the upmost precautions and make sure to follow all guidelines. I work in the healthcare industry, so trust me I understand. And while I'm not afraid to face COVID, there are other areas in my life that I'm not comfortable in confronting.
However, God did reveal something to me recently that has shaken me to my core- something that I have a hard time doing, that I avoid at all costs and always try to find ways around it, and something that God said it is time to take care of.
I want to invite you to join me in the book of Exodus, chapter 3. Here we have Moses, who by this time understands he was not Pharaoh's son, and he was tending to his father-in-law's flock, leading them far into the wilderness to Sinai, the mountain of God. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in the form of a burning bush where the Lord spoke to Moses.
Moses was given a command. He was chosen to lead the people out of Egypt. God told Moses to go to Pharaoh.
I truly believe that when Moses was given the task, fear and insecurity started to set in. Immediately, he began with excuses and reasons why he should not go. “What if they don’t believe me", “I’m not good with words”, “God please send someone else”. It is exactly where I have found myself lately.
I have mentioned before that I am a very passive person. I’m sure my husband would disagree. But even he knows I am not one to defend myself. I'd rather walk away from a situation and “let it be” than to face it head on and sometimes you come across people who take advantage of that.
Recently, an opportunity for growth presented itself. I truly believe I was treated unfairly. So I went to Jesus, cried my eyes out, pouted and then told him, "Ok, you got this. Take care of this God. I know you can!"
Except this time He was calling me to stand up for myself. He was calling me to face my fear and as I started to give him all the excuses why I couldn't and he brought me to the story of Moses.
God reassured Moses that he was not going alone. He was going with the power and authority of the I AM. God gave me that same reassurance.
My fear and insecurities of the situation kept me on my knees crying and pouting, begging God in fear and desperation to send someone else, but at the same time while on my knees, I found my strength and peace to continue on.
Am I 100% confident? No, but as long as I stay at the feet of Jesus, I’ll get there!
God said, "I will be with you." (Exodus 3:12) and that I hold on to!
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