Forgiveness. It takes time, effort, and honesty, which was the only way my husband and I would live in freedom within our marriage. To be able to move forward and look back only when testifying of God's goodness.
But how?
How do you move past the hurt, the anger, the betrayal? How do you move past the memories of what happened? How do you stop hating the person or persons?
It was a question I asked myself multiple times. If I'm being open with you, I was ok with forgiving my husband but no one else. I felt as if those people involved weren't worthy of my forgiveness. But not forgiving kept me imprisoned.
The first step in my journey to forgiveness was being honest with myself. I needed to forgive. I needed to move on and stop being selective with my forgiveness. It also meant that I had to let go. Let go of all my negative thoughts, the fear behind it all, and the spiteful mentally.
So, one day I walked into my prayer closet, and I cried out. I poured out every inch of hurt I had inside and laid it at the feet of Jesus. I was honest with God. No holding back, no making excuses, no rebuttals. Just me having a heart-to-heart with my father.
Then, I started to see a difference. Did it change from one day to the next? No way! But, every day, I made a conscious effort to try. Every day I chose to let go, to forgive.
Being in the presence of God taught me how to forgive. When the person or persons came to mind, I started praying for them instead of plotting my revenge. I started asking God for eyes of compassion toward them, learning how to love them, realizing they are human. They sin as I do daily, and if God forgives me, who am I not to forgive?
And while I worked on letting go, I started to see a difference in my marriage. We were not walking on eggshells anymore. We laughed, we joked, we loved without hesitation.
It is when I felt free. There were no what-if moments because we walked in the confidence of our future.
Our marriage took time, prayer, seeking, fasting, spiritually fighting to get to where we are today. Is it perfect? No. But it is solid. It is built on a firm foundation. Jesus Christ.
Forgiveness does not mean you forget what happens, but it means you forget the pain it caused. It means you no longer live bound to the offense but live in the freedom of who God is and what He can do. It means you no longer hold the past over the person's head but show compassion and grace as God does for you. It means you realize everyone needs God.
Reflection Reading
Your forgiveness journey may look different than mine; I struggled with real forgiveness. But God's tender ways showed me I am no better than those who hurt me. The bible says in Matthew 6:14
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
Honestly, forgiving benefitted me, my marriage, my children. I could not keep letting the action of others stop me from reaching my potential in Christ. Mentally seeking revenge, the anger, the hurt all hindered me.
But God! Came in and flushed out my heart, giving me a glimpse of the purpose behind it all.
-Eliana
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